What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

You make me want to be a better man. ~ Melvin Udall / As Good as it Gets

I tend to try and avoid sounding to sappy in my life.  The truth is my extreme cynicism is tempered by a relatively large amount of affection and love.  Sometimes it comes out in sweet stories like the following.

I’ve always believed in the power of love, but it’s so much more exciting to see in yourself. I can’t speak for Meg, but I was pretty smitten from the very beginning of our courtship.  Almost immediately I saw myself changing from old patterns of living.  I had such a big reason to make myself a better person (or more accurately more like the person I used to be.)  The closer Meg and I got, the more exciting the relationship got and the more I felt her influence on me.  I’ve already mentioned my new found positivity, here are some other things that have re-appeared in my life and some new things too.

I’ve started going to Church again.  I’ve always had a pretty strong Christian based faith, but my connection to the Catholic Church I was raised in had become strained to say the least.  Now I’m actually involved in my local parish and looking forward to becoming a actual part of that community instead of a visitor.  I’ve also felt more strengthened by my faith even in the face of recent uncertainties

I’ve become more excited about my life.  I feel energized to do things better.  Both in my personal life as well as at work.  At work I look for ways to maximize the possibilities I have in front of me more than complaining about the problems.  In my life outside of work I’m looking for ways to get back the hobbies and things I enjoyed that I had left behind a long time ago.

New to me are interesting new friends and new creative outlets.  While I don’t have a shop yet to start building fun new projects I have  online spaces to explore and store project ideas that I now feel closer to being able to actualize.  Additionally I’m beginning to explore completely new worlds and how I could fit in them and bring my own talents to them.

When Meg and I started dating we talked about each others pasts.   I remember thinking both of us were more hung up on our own pasts than each others.  I know for me, it didn’t matter what had happened to Meg in the past other than how it might have changed the person she now was.  I wanted to get to know her.  I fell in love with her.  Emerson is right.  It only matters what lies within us.  I’m glad that Meg both saw what lies within me, she also believed enough to wait until it came out to be seen.